This is the story of what had happened to me and my husband. We live in Zurich. Migration put my husband in detention up to 3 months for deportation.

“There is little difference between standing up and speaking for yourself, and standing up and speaking for someone else. I was holding myself together, when things didn’t turn out the way we want them to be. I am not required to defend myself with the aim of pronouncing innocence. Instead, addressing the judges in a manner that makes understand precisely why stripped of employment, family, identity and life in residential asylums is most often a much harder than a life on the streets. In such cases, we might never recover or, if we do, we change a lot. Maybe I’m paranoid, but not stupid. I’m alive and being subjective in circumstances that involve factors beyond my personal control. I will instead be personal in my truth based on situation of my life.

You have to say something, go somewhere and do things to get turned on. Otherwise in a year or less you’re pathetic. By the time no seriously needed to be said to mistreat, there was no one left capable of saying it. You will hide, but there will be no place left to hide. “Did what I want happen? No. It’s hard learned truth through own experience in the camp. It’s a fact. A fact is something that is dead. An idea is not the same thing as a fact. It has an aim. It wants something. It believes that what it is going for is better than what it has now. An idea is a personality, it has meaning and reasons. Meaning is mature. Reason is something alive. Once you truly understand feelings in yourself, and how they’re produced, you understand how to produce them in others. This is what it means to “act politically.” Get lost. You can use words to manipulate the world into delivering what you want. The world is made of what matters. Everything can mean anything or nothing. That is how culture maintains itself. Shared belief systems simplify the world. But isn’t precisely that people will fight for what they believe. I do.

Based on which criteria migration office makes judgment to whom and how to give a priority? Prejudice is the last acceptable racism. Moral clarity exists not. There are just so many ways that things can fall apart, or fail to work altogether, and it is always wounded people who are holding it together. Why? I was thinking about wearing waterproof mascara. Somedays I could almost cry. Say it like you mean it. And I say, if you send my husband to the deport, then my choice would be a prison, where I can stay and wait for the next interview, safe and secure, away from the rest of reality. Things take time, so I’d be writing a new edition of Crime and Punishment . Because there is something to say on legal issues on human rights. Because to live outside the law you must be honest. But neither of these statements has anything to do with being nice. And I meant it.

People often don’t really believe that they deserve the best care, personally speaking. Does is mean to suffer silently and willingly when some person or organization demands more from us, consistently, than is offered in return? Vulnerability, tyranny of the state, in a hierarchy of value, where some things are given priority and importance and others are not. Attempt to exercise power over another. That sense of inbuilt corruption and capacity for wrongdoing still exist. The call it tolerance, I say discrimination.

Migration is trying to separate the family. “The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State…” Article 23: (1) of international Covenant on Civil and Political Rights. I say half a gift is worse than none. How pathetic—and how accurate. Because people know exactly how and where person can be hurt, and why it can be exploited. People can terrify other people, consciously, torture them—literally—slowly, artfully and terribly. Only man will do sophisticated suffering for the sake of suffering. Wolves are predators. They kill things and eat them. It’s not pretty? They’re predators, but it’s just their nature. They do not bear responsibility for it. They’re hungry, not evil. Rabbits are paralyzed by the gaze of the wolf. Fear is relative. Morality is relative. There is no absolute right or wrong in anything, at best it is a personal value, judgment, a matter of personal opinion. People will fight to maintain the match between what they expect and how everyone is acting. Order is not enough. When things are going according to plan and nothing is new and disturbing. We get caught up in the system so much that we afraid to challenge it. Free choice matters.

Why would I think to accept anything less for myself? It’s asking a lot. It’s asking for everything. I can no long tolerate being overwhelmed beyond capacity to cope while acting productively and with care for my own case, my husband, and our life. Simply sacrifice the present for the future. I want to enjoy the consequences. We are not simply their possession to torture and mistreat. We deserve some respect. So that I can defend my family against others’ taking inappropriate advantage the situation.”

21. November, 2018. M.

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